Everyone else can watch as their dreams untie

So, in my life, I cycle from being an intelligent, fierce, ground-pounding, money-making tribal warrior,

into a drunken, manic, screaming, goth bitch,

into the soft kitten that sleeps in the corner.

BUT when I'm on, I'M ON. And this is one of the blogs that I've been reading when I am on, trying to learn some tricks about money and perhaps life. She tends to fill her blog with references to her motivational/teaching programs (which cost money), so I mist take it with a grain of salt, but even so. This article was the inspiration for my current train of thought.

My priorities have shifted, a little. They were extremely scrambled, i think.

number one is my mental health. It has always been precarious, but this year I have taken more time to recognize its triggers and patterns. These days I will let go of the requirements around me and let myself sleep and try to be happy. Part of this is working out at least once a week, taking days off to see my friends, and allowing myself time to get things done even if it means skipping work.

number two is my boy. I love him and he does a TON for me and I feel like I haven't been paying enough attention to him. Our life, our sex life, our house, takes precedence. What's it all for if not for him? (well for me too obviously, but the point is our mutual happiness.

number three is my edumacation. I spent all this time and money to be here, I like to consider myself an intelligent person, and I don't want the work I've put in all year to go to waste. It remains to be seen whether or not I will return. sociology & printmaking FTW.

number four is money, money, money. I love to travel, and I have already booked my flight out east in may. I bought my Emilie Autumn ticket for New York, and WON my ticket to Kinetik in Montreal! Whoooo! I also like stuff :D I bought a car, but I can't afford to insure it right now. I like to live comfortably, eat nice food, travel around locally, go out. Which brings me to:

number five is friends & fun. I try to leave myself time for that. it helps with #1.

SO because I've been so focused on one, two, and three, with a dash of five, that number four has suffered. I haven't been to work in three weeks (!!!) so that's why I'm so broke. That's also why I haven't had much to blog about! hahaha.

So, I'm off to work on number 3, with a little bit of number 5 later tonight hopefully :)

Non-writing

I have lots to say, but I have to finish a report and study for a midterm. Most of what I have to say revolves around how much I hate school anyways. Also, I hate bleeding from my nether regions and feeling un-pretty. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow, because I really need to make money this weekend.

good morning blogosphere

I'm rather miserable today. Trying to finish a project and I forgot my wallet at home, so I'm going to have to go home to print it and hopefully find some food.

All I want to do lately is work, hang out with Rob, and design clothes. And yet I'm stuck doing all this school junk. blegh.

Cinnamon Dreams

I love my life. I love sunday mornings, relaxed and full of food, and sunday afternoons studying.

I'm on a quest. I have a thousand goals and hopes and dreams and ideas that i want to spit out into the world.

Quests for now:
~do well in school
~save lots of money
~climb on tuesdays and do yoga on fridays

Quests for the spring:

~climbing
~yoga on fridays
~hoop dance class
~aerial skills class
~practice violin

Summer travels:
~Kinetik Festival in Montreal May 14-17
~Emilie Autumn show in New York May 22
~North Saskatchewan River whitewater trip
~Shambhala (Nelson, BC) August 5-11
~Burning Man (Reno, Nevada) August 31 - September 7
~Las Vegas? San Francisco? L.A.!!
~Fly to New Zealand via LAX

Onwards:
~Indonesia, Thailand, India, Nepal

All the while dancing my way across the continents....

So, my dear friends, I will be focusing on physical creative endeavors, along with hopefully making some costumes for burning man, and dancing around naked of course, hopefully for massive amounts of cash. Well, we'll see.

finding something

The hardest part about a higher education, isn't the work, or the expense, or the mental strain. It's the isolation. The fact I can't go out, because I have to come here and work. I miss my laptop... the ability to go where I want and work. and not be so distracted, and alone.

I can feel things slipping. Nothing, truly, is wrong, but my head isn't there. not enough. There's too many other things going on, flitting in and out of my head like birds. My time becomes precious, my money not so much. Every ounce of energy is spent, for marks, fun, and profit, and there's nothing left for love. I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping or cooked a meal.

The self splinters, every piece getting more and more transparent as they become smaller, the light filtering through the holes, the girl you loved, far away.