Sunday, May 10, 2009

People, Contradictions, and Cars

So as I said, I went to work on wednesday. It was pretty good, did just over my minimum number of dances, and had some fun.

One of the first customers I sat down with had a company logo dress shirt on, was here making synthetic diamonds from LA, and talked about how much money he had. He was relatively polite and charming, but only bought one dance, and during that dance tried to grab my boob under the pretense of looking at my nipple ring.

One of the last customers I sat down with had a hockey jersey on, bling in his ears, and a baseball cap. He brushed me off earlier in the night with a "maybe later", but at the very end of the night I got him to go for a VIP with me. (4 dances, in my club.) He then offered to tip me $300 for the priviledge of playing with my boobs. He did this BEFORE he tried to grab.

I took it. I know, rule bending, but its within the line I've drawn for myself. He offered more for more and I turned it down. But it just goes to show that appearances can be decieving. I'm obviously still not quite as good as I think I am at picking types of people out of a crowd.

Anyways. I was in a car crash on thursday night on the way home from the Star Trek movie... My lover was driving and turned left on a green, didn't see the car coming straight through the intersection. The other driving slammed into the passenger side wheel well. I pretty much had a screaming panic attack, but I'm mostly ok. Some sore muscles. But the car is pretty much totalled, so I'm glad I bought my car.

I'm falling apart again, but no one will save me. I am left floundering, alone, like when you throw your kid in the lake and say, "learn to swim, or drown." They say, "Wake up. Just feel better. Just get a grip on yourself. Just tell yourself to stop feeling that way." It doesn't work like that.

Oh well. Everything seems flat, now, dead. Silence reigns. I'm not sure what to do with myself, quiet, hurting.


  1. *hug*
    You are very right, it doesn't work like that. I am not sure how it goes for you, but no one can save me when I self destruct. I push everyone away and anyone who remains just can't help me much but really just sit by and watch...

    Anyway, take care dear~
    We still love you and will do what we can to help you out - give me a shout if you need to get out and just go for coffee one day or something. *hugs*

  2. When no one will save you, you learn to save yourself. You learn who you are and what you are capable of.

    You save yourself, and become stronger. And then you don't need to rely on others who may or may not be around to help.