Sorry for not posting in forever!

I have been super busy with festivals, where I drive out into the woods and camp and dance the night away. For these escapades, I built a 16' steel geodesic dome as a shade structure.

I love to travel, and my feet (and wheels) have been taking me all around lately. I ran off to another city to hang out with some amazing burner people and then voyaged off to a farm to dance around in the woods.

I had a hard time with this one party, I felt like the energy there was very damaging. It sucked at my edges, interfered with my buzz, distracted me from having a good time. I felt like I was jealous of everyone else having a good time, and not really fully involved in my own experience. I was over-exposed to the bad energy and therefore afraid to let any energy, even the good stuff, in.

I've only been to work twice since then. I get hot and tired and fall asleep and wake up groggy and unhappy. Perhaps I should air-condition my house, or spend less time watching tv in the hot living room.

Perhaps I should just stop being lazy.

My friday night was pretty fun. My manager is encouraging me more and more to do stage, and I think I will try to do it right after I get back. Of course, this necessitates a photo shoot the day after I get back from a week-long vacation without showering, but I'm sure I can pull it off :) One of my few friends at work was off sick with a kidney stone last week, and she has 2 kids, so I was feeling pretty bad for her. Around 1;30 I had just gotten out of a dance and was chilling in the back room with the money girls, and my friend was about to cash out.
Then this 18-year old kid wanders in. He looks like he lost his pub crawl, just out of high school with all the pride in the world and none of the lessons.

"Hey, howsit going," I say conversationally. I'm bored of this job, though its been easy tonight.
"I'm looking for a private dance," he stammers a little, obviously fairly drunk.
"Ooh me, ooh me!" I giggle, sticking my hand up in the air. He probably has $30 or maybe even $60, but he's an easy mark.. I didn't even have to walk the floor!
"So you wanna go for half an hour, right?" I ask my standard question. Don't ever give the customer OPTIONS.
"Sure," he says, "how much?"
"$200 including tip." This is the point that I expect him to balk.
Instead, he hands me the contents of his wallet.
"Aww honey you need another $60. Here's the ATM."

My friend butts in at this point. She is already in her sweats but she still looks hot.
"Do you want both of us?" she is medium skinned, soft-bodied, with epic tits and piles of honey brown curls. She looks almost hawaiin.
For a moment, red-hot anger flares up. I could have got my quota from this guy and gone home, and now she's getting half. It fades as quickly as it comes- I know she needs this, and she's been trying to help me get in on doubles all night, I've just been busy :)
"It'll be twice as much," I tell the kid.
"Ok.."
By this point, my friend and I are laughing at eachother behind his back. He's trying to figure out the ATM, so I tell him to give me his credit card and I'll put it in the right way up for him (heehee.) He is still coherant, but he says its his first time at a strip club and he wants it to be really good!

Anyways, long story short, we have our fun. My friend and I are all over eachother, not really dancing, taking swigs of her "fiji" water (read: vodka) in the back room. He's enjoying it. We tie him up with his belt and pull his hair, laughing at his innocence yet pleasing him at the same time. It's nice to relax with a girlfriend for once :) I even kick off my shoes.

We don't last the whole half hour, and so we ask him if he wants more :) Sure, he says. We put on half our clothes and go back out to the machine.
"I want another girl, too.."
"That'll be another $400 please Alex... *ding ding ding*"
More fun, its the end of the night, and our third girl gives him a massage, rolling her eyes and laughing behind his head. My friend and I enjoy ourselves, loving the easy money.

Anyways, even though I had a good night, I felt quite sick last night and didn't go in. I think it was mostly the heat, and the fact I have a hard time sleeping during the day, and I'd stayed up until about 4;30. Silly girl.

So I just spent the cooler hours of the night working on this GORGEOUS jacket I'm making. Unfortunately, its fur, and I was stupidly using a zipper foot to sew it (i.e. the fur got caught in the foot a lot) and I managed to punch the needle through my fingertip. I got all dizzy and thought I was going to pass out for an hour, but my cracked nail is still holding the cut together, so I think it'll heal up pretty quick. It HURT like a motherfucker though!

Alright I've got to do some more trim on said jacket, put in one more shift at the day job at 1 pm tomorrow, and then i'm off to the woods! *mwah* Pictures of the jacket and the dome to come when I get back!

~Trystan Cinnamon Pteradactyl~

A Strange Night

As I was leaving my day job today, I was having a conversation about changes. One of my friends said he has recently done a "purge"; he quit smoking weed, quit eating red meat, and did a couple days of fasting and sweatlodging.

This got me thinking about the things that I would like to change in my life. I thought about how I am addicted to my lifestyle, to drinking, to smoking, to having and spending money. I would like to be able to experience life without getting addicted to it, I would like to be able to have a drink or two without getting trashed. I would like to buy something amazing that is perfect for me, not buy six or seven dresses on the way to finding a decent one.

I would like to spend more time being creative, writing, drawing, sewing, painting, singing, and dancing.

I would like to save money to travel.

Tonight, I stayed up. I have been all over the place, drifting in and out of time. Getting lost in another universe, reading tales of a desert and planning elaborate structures. As the sky started to lighten outside my office window, I began to travel so deep into other people`s thoughts and creations that I actually came back around to my own.

I got up. I picked up my darling grey cat from my lap, where she had been cutting off my circulation for several hours now, and I went outside. Sliding up the creaking stairs, trying not to wake my lover, smoking half a peach cigarillo in the cold morning air. Even at 5 am the wind is gusting around the house. I put up my tent, struggling by myself, checking for missing parts and strange smells before our camping trip this weekend. It takes me all of five minutes. Still wiggly.

So I decide to go for a run. The thought has been sneaking around my head lately, passed back and forth between laziness and a desire for something better. Running has never been my thing, it takes too much mental fortitude, but the few times I have succeeded, its almost a religious experience.

Find fresh batteries, pull shoes out of closet, pull on sweater, leave note in case lover wakes up.. 5:23 I sneak out the front door. The world has a certain stillness, a quiet that I haven`t heard in a long time. There`s no ringing in my ears from the club speakers, which is usually the case when I see the sunrise. The sound of engines slowly starts to increase as the morning shift starts to travel off to work.

My feet pound against the pavement, in time with the music in my ears. My breath comes surprisingly easily, in-two-out-four, in time with my feet. It is my muscles that protest, not used to this endurance, strong and powerful in short bursts but stiffening up quickly.

I run down into the grass, into the gravel, between the trees. The early light filters through. Just after the solstice, the sun is already half-risen at 5;30. The grey light is fading into yellow and green, filtered through the trees. The creek is still, choked with green water plants, nibbled on by a mother duck and nine fuzzy, floating puffball babies. Poplar fluff flies up my nose, rising under my pounding feet in little clouds of dust.

Running up and down gravel hills, pausing at the top of the ravine, I decide to go back through it rather than take the shortcut back along the paved streets. Push yourself. Go ahead.

The last few minutes are hard. I walk more and more on the uphill, lenghtening my strides on the downhill. Half an hour is a long time when you haven`t gone running in god knows how long. I walk up the last hill, peeling off my sweater as the air starts to heat up. The path ends on a grassy shoulder, peeling off the edge of the trees and blending into pavement and houses. I sprint the last 100 metres, coming out of the shadows of aspens and bursting into the sunlight.

Stop. Walk to the nice grass. Stretch my arms high above my head, feel my spine crackling, my quads and hip flexors complaining. Sun salutations, greeting the new day with the itch of grass against my palms and the rising sun blinding my opened eyes.

I`m not a stranger to this feeling, but its so elusive. I want to remember to go looking for it.