Bad planning is a bitch.

I'm extremely upset to be missing the discussion on "rites of passage" in the city tomorrow. and the tribal market tonight. and everything.

To succeed as an artist and a creature of the earth I feel like I have to network, network, network, go to every event, get into every market, listen, speak, and communicate. The topic of "rites of passage" within the framework of our modern society is EXTREMELY important to me. I want desperately to learn more about it. But I have to be here, studying, sewing, NOT spending money. If only this, if only that.

I worry that I have made mistakes in my choices, abrupt turns and twists and stumbling mishaps. I am focusing my energy where? I am trying to get a career in something I am passionate about so I can support my life as an artist, but I still want to be a full time artist? I am so confused.

Could I have planned this whole weekend much better? Oh, yes, and how many mistakes am I still making over and over.

PRIORITIZE. FOCUS. PLAN.

I don't know what I'm doing right now. was there a way I could have made this weekend work? I'm not sure. maybe. Time goes by, time takes everything from us, I want to put my life on hold, I don't want to miss anything. This year's themes are important to me. But so is emerging into the place I want to be. I don't want to be where they are, living paycheck to paycheck with no real direction. I want to stop paying rent by 30, whether I own a house or live on my own lot or live perpetually on the road. I want to succeed as an artist and live the life I want.

focus focus focus. for today, forget all of this and sew. don't think about what you are missing. it is february after all. write and listen and dream and meet people later.